For many years, teachers and parents have asked me, “Should we let this student know he or she has been identified as gifted? And exactly what should we say when we do this?”
The answer to the first question is overwhelmingly yes. First, because smart kids already know they are different from their age peers, and the more information they have about that, the less they have to guess if that means there is something wrong with them! All kids struggle at times with situations in which they feel they are not totally accepted just as they are. For gifted kids, that struggle can easily lead them to hide their advanced learning capacities in order to fit in with the kids with whom they interact daily. The long-term price they pay for this is that they may never become comfortable in choosing to learn challenging content.
The answer to the second question is a little more complicated. If an explanation for this label is not offered, kids have to figure it out for themselves. Some carefully observe other kids in their classes to determine what the difference is between those who have been labeled “smart” and those who have not. Many conclude that kids who are called gifted just get the correct answer. Other kids, however, often have to work hard to find the expected response. So, they reason, if you have to work hard, you must not be gifted.
Facing the Challenges of Being Gifted
This is the first clue as to why so many students who have been happily gifted throughout their elementary school experience come to a screeching halt when they enter middle school. We well know that as children enter adolescence, they worry much less about what their parents and teachers think of them and much, much more about what the other kids will think. They pull back from the limelight and even tell their parents they really don’t want to be in any gifted program from this point on. Middle school teachers are often wary about treating any students differently from the ways in which other students are treated, so when these students seem to have a goal of not appearing different, many teachers decide to be OK with that choice. The issue of grades also becomes weighty. Some of their age peers hover in the background, seemingly waiting for gifted kids to make a mistake or receive a grade lower than “A.” A sixth-grade student I knew was frequently taunted in this situation by kids who crowed, “Look, the ‘Brain’ didn’t get an A!”
We want to help gifted students perceive that their feelings of being different are not something negative, and that they are not flawed in some way. It can come as a great relief to them to understand and accept the reasons why they are not like their age peers and move on, being able to appreciate themselves just the way they are.
From experiences such as these, gifted kids often wonder if the world expects them to be gifted in all of their endeavors—a totally unrealistic expectation for any human. And, because of their long history of receiving high praise with tasks that were not rigorous for them, they have become accustomed to applying unreasonably high expectations to themselves. I once had a conference with a very intelligent eighth grader, Tomas, who had missed more than 30 days of school in the first semester. I invited him and his parents to come to school to talk with me about this. As his mom and dad recounted his excruciating history with migraine headaches, he interrupted the conversation to say to me,
Honestly, Mrs. Winebrenner, it’s not their fault! The fault is all mine . . . I do this to myself. Every worrisome thought I have starts with the words, “what if?” I think the question really is, “What if I fail to be easily perfect in some situation? Will I be rejected as not so smart at that time? And then what will happen to me?”
The basic issue we as parents and teachers must address is helping all kids understand and accept that the world would be a boring place if we were all the same. All of the people they and their friends admire in sports or entertainment are very proud of their differences, which have brought them fame and fortune. One very helpful intervention is to suggest that kids who are struggling with this issue read biographies about people they admire, written for young adults. One goal should be to pay close attention to how that successful person handled teasing/bullying from other kids, so that gifted kids might borrow some of that person’s strategies for their own use. And, adults need to support all kids by helping them to appreciate individual differences.
Dealing With Differences
But, of course, gifted kids are different. So am I. So are many of you. And we all had to make our decisions, conscious or not, about whether we would allow our advanced abilities to show or hide them by pretending we were not as capable as we really were. Boys have a slight advantage in this area because, if they are also excellent in sports, their age peers seem to accept them as friends regardless of their other “gifts.” Most girls do not have a similar benefit. One of my daughters was like that. She got all the way through high school with the coveted A’s while never bringing any homework home from school. The hidden danger in this situation was that her experience was telling her that she was supposed to be able to get high grades with little or no effort. Her first year at college was very painful, as it became obvious that she had never learned how to learn new content, and she was helpless as that awareness emerged.
Some students who have been accustomed to receiving straight A’s throughout their time in school may even become seriously depressed as they ponder what the reactions of folks at home will be when they find out that their grades for their first semester in college are less than perfect. I have concluded that the students who are potentially going to experience serious worries of failure in postsecondary experiences are those who have had nothing but the highest grades or assessments since school began. They often receive full scholarships to continue their studies, and end up on campuses where all students are advanced. There they experience what I call “the intellectual quarterback syndrome”—facing painful competition with many other students who are as, or even more, academically advanced than they. Where do you want the youngsters you love to be the first time they experience this situation? At home, or lonely and confused in some college dorm? Of course, you want them where you can tell them, “Thank goodness, you received your first ‘B’ while you are here so we can help you see that the world will not end because this happened and that we will continue to love and support you, regardless of any struggles you are having!”
One of the things I have realized while studying mindsets is that the language adults use as we talk to our children and students about their successes and setbacks is crucial in helping determine their reactions to those events. In today’s world of education, grades may not be as important as they have been historically. With so many homeschooled students applying for college, many institutions of higher education have dramatically modernized their application process, putting less emphasis on grades and more effort into truly understanding the applicant’s potential. Investigate this with the colleges your child is considering—you may be in for a pleasant surprise.
Sometimes, parents and teachers exert subtle and not so subtle influences on gifted students regarding the importance of being “popular,” which has historically been highly valued by many people. However, when parents hint that popularity is highly important, their children often accept that value. Sadly, one of the traits that is highly valued in the world of popularity is conformity. The mind of a gifted learner is always trying to think “outside the box.” We may not be able to have it both ways: being popular and simultaneously being a capable, creative thinker.
Consciously or not, some gifted kids develop a strategy through which they determine never to let other people see them struggling or even working hard in learning situations. The longer these students practice this strategy, the less likely they are to welcome true challenge when it appears. They may reason that “because smart kids seem to ‘just get it,’ there is danger in letting anyone see me working hard, otherwise they may conclude that I am not so smart after all.”
Dweck’s Growth Mindset
The great news is that we now have the exciting and highly welcome research by Dr. Carol Dweck of Stanford University. You can personally experience her wisdom by watching any of the videos described in the references section at the end of this article. These videos open wide the doors to meaningful discussions about the value of embracing hard work throughout one’s lifetime. The magic of this content is that it is helpful for all students, parents, and teachers, because it guides us in how to discard the thoughts (self-talk) that make us feel our learning capacity is limited, and instead become aware of the truth that we all have endless capacity to use our brain to its fullest potential.
For my entire career, I have known that some gifted kids often significantly cut back on their effort once they reach a certain age. This realization came to me when a highly gifted student, on whom I had bestowed an A+ for his essay, told his mom that he had now discovered that I was “12-minute A” because it had taken him only 12 minutes to wow me. He was ready to settle for only that much work on any future essays and would likely become dissatisfied if that pattern did not continue. Such attitudes create lazy behaviors in students, and we need to monitor our language and teaching practices so we do not appear to communicate that it is acceptable for students to “settle” for less rigorous outcomes than their potential would otherwise allow.
I believe that as teachers and parents we need to better monitor our language toward the students in our lives, and concentrate only on the language that is most likely to lead students to developing what Dweck (2016) called growth mindsets. In doing this, we can much more effectively communicate that regardless of the level of one’s inborn learning capacity, we can all learn how to set goals that are highly likely to allow all learners to continually move forward in their intellectual growth, not only as students, but throughout their lives.
Suggestions for Talking to Young People
The following suggestions may be helpful in your plan to tell your youngsters that their school has designated them as a gifted or advanced learner.
- Show students a simple bell curve, and label the space in the middle as “The Twos,” as it describes those students at a particular grade who are truly ready to learn the designated upcoming grade-level standards. Those whose readiness level may be found anywhere to the left of the middle of the bell curve are those students who are not yet ready for grade-level material, and who will require much support, or scaffolding, to help them successfully learn the designated material. On your own bell curve, please label these students “The Ones.” Likewise, those students whose learning capacity may be found in the space to the right of the bell curve’s middle have already mastered some of the designated grade-level standards. On your own bell curve, please label these students as “The Threes.” Just as we provide the scaffolding needed by “The Ones,” we must also provide consistent compacting and differentiation for “The Threes.” These students need to spend much more of their school time working on more complex standards, which is called differentiation. Importantly, the key to them maintaining their motivation to work on those advanced tasks is to be certain they are experiencing consistent compacting, which means they are actually excused from doing the work that represents the content they have already mastered (Winebrenner & Brulles, 2012).
- Be careful you are not giving them the idea that the most important goal in school is getting very high grades. The focus of attention in school and in test results should be much less about grades and much more about documenting that all students are recognized for their forward academic progress from year to year. Posting children’s report cards or Best Student awards says nothing about the way the family or school values that students are willing to welcome challenging work. If high school students are playing the GPA game, you might limit their AP classes to no more than two, so they might still have some discretionary time to investigate topics in which they are enthusiastically interested.
- Explore the work of Kazimierz Dabrowski (1972) which has helped us understand that most, if not all, gifted students experience heightened sensitivities that profoundly affect their emotional and intellectual capacities. Their penchant to wonder if there is something wrong with them because they are emotional and sensitive about so many things is not unexpected. Dr. Marianne Kuzujanakis (2016) explained this phenomenon of overexcitabilities (OEs) in an article in The Huffington Post. She noted that these OEs may be described as those feelings that are typically “experienced by gifted individuals in their interactions with their external environments” (para. 3). One could assume then, that the intensities exhibited by gifted persons of all ages are actually an integral part of their advanced learning abilities. That could be very comforting to gifted youngsters because it is a quality they share with each other. They are not “weird”—just much more sensitive to experiencing many types of life experiences. Therefore, advice they receive from well-meaning adults to just “lighten up,” are not very helpful. Be aware of how these “super senses” help explain many of their differences from age peers. Our children are perfectly fine the way they are, and we can all rest easier as we help them understand how these qualities they possess can bring them great joy, love, creativity, and connection to others. By doing this, we can raise confident, self-assured children who will become self-loving and accepting adults.
- Unleash the power of biography. When gifted students read biographies of people they greatly admire, written for children and adolescents, they should be asked to pay close attention to how that person handled teasing or bullying from other kids and other challenges in their lives. Very few famous people became overnight sensations. When gifted students truly understand the struggles their idols have experienced, it is much easier for them to accept the truth that there are almost no life experiences in which talented people “just get it.” For all the people we admire, there are tales of extreme struggle that give courage to those young people who are just starting out.
Conclusion
I once had a graduate student who was bemoaning the fact that his 4-year-old son was quite smart. This dad found the situation very stressful. When I asked why, he said, “I just want my son to be normal.” Gifted kids are normal for their advanced learning capacities. What they will never be is “average.” I, for one, will always celebrate that reality.
Videos Featuring Dr. Carol Dweck
- Teaching a Growth Mindset—https://youtu.be/kXhbtCcmsyQ
- Perfectionism—https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgUF5WalyDk
- Developing a Growth Mindset—https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiiEeMN7vbQ
- The Power of Yet—https://youtu.be/ZyAde4nIIm8
References
Dabrowski, K. (1972). Psychoneurosis is not an illness. London, England: Gryf.
Dweck, C. (2016). The new psychology of success. New York, NY: Random House.
Kuzujanakis, M. (2016, September 16). The intensities of giftedness. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marianne-kuzujanakis/the-intensities-of-gifted_b_8134926.html
Winebrenner, S., & Brulles, D. (2012). Teaching gifted kids in today’s classroom: Strategies and techniques every teacher can use (3rd ed.). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Susan Winebrenner has been a classroom teacher, a gifted education specialist, and a passionate advocate for creating at least one year’s forward academic progress for each year a student is in school. Her books include Teaching Gifted Kids in Today’s Classroom, Teaching Kids With Learning Difficulties in Today’s Classroom, The Cluster Grouping Handbook, Differentiating Content for Every Learner, and Super Sentences. Susan has worked in many states in the U.S., Canada, and Australia. She is an avid sailor, loves to read and play bridge, and adores her grandchildren.
